Thoughts of murder

The time is now 12:45 in the morning.  I am up because I am plotting murder.

The intended victim is the designer of the Firex model ADC smoke detector.  You, sir, better hope that you never cross my path.

What dastardly deed did you commit, you ask?  You have designed a product with the worst feature ever imagined.

When the battery in your smoke detector begins to shuffle off this mortal coil, the fire alarm beeps.  At random intervals.  Sometimes every few minutes.  Sometimes every half hour.  Sometimes longer.  My only choice to determine the offending detector is stand under each one in turn and wait for it to beep.  The process can take a few minutes, or a couple of hours.

There are 8 in my house, all wired together in a circuit so that when one detects smoke, they all sound the alarm–pretty sensible, actually.  However, sometimes they will chime in concert for the low battery alarm, making it impossible to determine which one needs attention.

ONE SIMPLE CHANGE would have rectified this matter.  In addition to the audible alarm, BLINK A F***ING LED.  That would be the sensible solution, eh?  Then I’d hear a chirp, visually inspect the alarms, quickly locate the offender, change the battery, and be back to sleep–oh yes, this happens at night exclusively.

If you really wanted to be user friendly, add a photoresistor that determines the ambient light of the area and silences the alert at night.  A nightlight that turns on at night and off during the day can be had for a buck at Wal-Mart; surely this can’t be that difficult to add to a smoke detector.

The final insult to injury is this: the AC power connection has a tab that blocks access to the battery door until it is unplugged:

and of course there are clips on either side to hold the connector on.  So after finding the smoke detector I have to then fight the plug to get the battery door open.

These devices should really be installed at Guantanamo Bay.  One night of this and the most hardened terrorist would spill his guts.

You, Mr. Smoke Detector Designer, are a complete, heartless bastard.  I wish you may hear random chirps every night for the remainder of your life.

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One thought on “Thoughts of murder

  1. OMG Carl – we totally agree with you on thoughts of murder regarding the FireX Smoke Detector Model ADC. We purchased a house a couple years ago with about a dozen of these crazy smoke alarms. I have, on quite a few occasions been jarred from my bed, ALWAYS in the middle of the night by the GD chirping of these crappy smoke alarms (my husband actually sleeps through these episodes, so he does not understand my irritation). Now it appears we need to replace one of the alarms, and of course it appears the model has been discontinued. MORE aggravation in dealing with these GD smoke detectors!!! Arrgghhhhh!!!!

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